IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people' salaries to pay for public services such as roads and schools. Other thinks high taxes are bad. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some that using
tax
Use synonyms
 revenues from
people
Use synonyms
's
income
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 for
public related
Add a hyphen
public-related
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 services
such
Linking Words
 as schools, roads and hospitals would be appropriate
while
Linking Words
 others think it could be a burden to the
people
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the issue is not entirely straight forward and arguments can be made against the idea. In my point of view, high
taxes
Use synonyms
 in undeveloped
countries
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 could be a nightmare for the
people
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. On the one hand, it is commonly understood that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high
taxing
Replace the word
taxation
show examples
 is a kind of support
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 use these revenues to upgrade required services for the
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in most European
countries
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, 40% of
tax
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 needs to be paid from their
income
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government provides free healthcare services so it becomes an advantage to the
people
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. It means that
people
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 are without worrying about expenses for their medical bills in their life.
This
Linking Words
 kind of situation cannot be seen in the low
Use synonyms
taxes'
Change noun form
taxes
show examples
countries
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
taxing
Replace the word
taxation
show examples
 encourages lost productivity because
people
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are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is no point in having a high
income
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,
at the end
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 of the day, they have to pay a huge amount from what they earned for a
tax
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high
taxes
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 in undeveloped
countries
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suffer to
Verb problem
cause
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 the
people
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 mostly
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 medium and low
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they try to find a way out
avoiding
Change the verb form
to avoid
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
. It creates a lot of fraudulent cases and fake
income
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 slips to hide their actual earned. That really
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative effect on the
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
tax
Use synonyms
 revenues are directly supporting the
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy in one way, it should be considered whether
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 of the
country
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 are capable or not. Meaning,
high
Correct word choice
that high
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 or low
taxes
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 should
be depended
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
 on the
country
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's economic situation. In my opinion, high taxing shouldn't be taken
all
Change preposition
from all
show examples
 incomes of the
people
Use synonyms
. If the government really needs financial support, it should
tax
Use synonyms
 much higher to the
people
Use synonyms
 who earn a lot.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stick to it throughout the paragraph to maintain strong cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between ideas and paragraphs for smoother flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points and arguments.
Task Achievement
Clarify and extend your opinion in the conclusion to leave a stronger impression.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have included a strong introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well, highlighting the key aspects of the discussion.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, demonstrating your understanding of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've included clear reasoning to support your points, showing a logical flow of ideas and arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public services
  • equitable society
  • disposable income
  • consumer spending
  • innovation
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic growth
  • tax revenue
  • investment
  • efficiently maintained
  • neglect and decay
  • motivation to work
  • financial growth
  • government expenditure
  • corruption
  • wastage
  • prosperity
  • societal infrastructure
  • essential services
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