IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The unlimited use of cars may cause many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars? .

#cars #people
There is no denying the fact that
cars
 have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
remarkable benefits in
this
 modern life
however
 it has an unacceptable impact on society because of their constant use of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
this
 essay will examine several reasons and solutions for these vehicles. Most of the citizens use
cars
 as a transporting method, which is effortless for them. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 they might don’t know the drawbacks and the issues that it causes. One of these problems is air pollution , most of the transportation ways
such
 as motor produce toxic gases that
harms
Change the verb form
harm
show examples
 the environment and the living things.
Moreover
, modern ways to travel and drive led to an inappropriate and alarming problem which is over depending on
cars
 so that will cause obesity as a consequence of less movement. To illustrate according to a recent questionnaire was posted on a well-known platform that included 95 individuals who are suffering from obesity, 85 of them was const using their car, in other word
cars
 will be helpful to the nation if it wasn’t overused.
In addition
, to solve these problems, governments should encourage people to cycle and walk more, by investing in pathways and walking areas, not by discouraging and scaring them from
cars
. ,
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the
also
 should make the experience of using local transportation more memorable and enhance its quality in numerous ways. If buses and trains were developed in some significant aspects,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 would be more useful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, wagon
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a sizeable amount of privileges but we should be aware of its negative impact on the environment and the nation. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 we can particularly lessen its weak points by reducing
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 it.
Submitted by Batool03121 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: