IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the changes in ownership ofelectrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership ofelectrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
line
Use synonyms
 graphs depict trends
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 electrical
appliances
Change the noun form
appliance
show examples
Use synonyms
usage
Replace the word
used
show examples
 and the
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on doing
house
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 among
households
Use synonyms
 in a country between 1920 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the first
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 shows that there was a steady increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of electrical appliances (washing machines, refrigerators and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners) among the
households
Use synonyms
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
second
Linking Words
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
, it represents that there was a decrease in
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by these
households
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
house
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
. In the first
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
, there were only 40% and 30%
Use synonyms
households
Change preposition
of households
show examples
 using washing machines and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 respectively,
while
Linking Words
 none used
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 in 1920. Within 20 years, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 experienced
steep
Correct article usage
a steep
show examples
 increment by 90%,
while
Linking Words
 both
Use synonyms
usage
Change to a plural noun
usages
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners remained steadily
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
. By 1980,
Use synonyms
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 reached its peak and became
plateau
Correct article usage
a plateau
show examples
, followed by
Use synonyms
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 which reached its peak in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
usage
Use synonyms
 of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, apart from a slight dip in 1980, continued to be slightly unchanged from 1960 to 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates
gradual
Correct article usage
the gradual
show examples
 decrement
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on hour
chores
Use synonyms
 by the
households
Use synonyms
. In 1920, a household spent 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 the
house
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as washing clothes, preparing meals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and cleaning.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent dropped significantly by 30
hours
Use synonyms
, to 20
hours
Use synonyms
 per week in 1960. From 1960 until 2019, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent remained slightly unchanged. The
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on
house
Use synonyms
chores
Use synonyms
 in 2019 only dropped by 10
hours
Use synonyms
, in comparison with 1960.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, second, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words line, usage, hours, house, chores, households, graph, vacuum, refrigerator with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: