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Writing Samples /
Band 4

‘Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’ How far do you share this viewpoint?

#‘everybody #amount #income #support #charity
All religions offer that the working
people
 should donate a certain point of their income to support
charity
. It seems to me not correct, and I will explain why.
Firstly
, most employees pay
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% tax from their salary to
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 budget. The government allocate the welfare pension to vulnerable groups who need
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
help;
in other words
, a certain amount of the state budget is spent
poor
Change preposition
on poor
show examples
people
 by political sectors. From
this
 situation
considering
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, it can
say
Wrong verb form
be said
show examples
 that they donate some
money
 to others every month.
Secondly
, those who support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
charity
 can give something other than
money
;
for example
,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, clothes, books
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
toys etc. Another reason is that workers with low income have major problems caused by
money
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. They must provide needs
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their family members. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 parents always work hard every day for their children and their family, unfortunately the company provide them less salary. if
people
 who have
high
Correct word choice
a higher
show examples
 income than average
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can donate, I will support their
charity
. Because there is enough
money
 for their families. We all know Bill Gates, who is
richest
Change the article
the richest
show examples
 man
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world. He donates to the
fund
Capitalize word
Fund
show examples
 of Children and Health millions of dollars every year.
By contrast
, giving
money
 regularly may become a heavy burden for low-income and middle-income workers.
Overall
, Religious
people
 want to participate
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity
;
also
, others
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try to help poor
people
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
their ability.
Therefore
,
charity
commissioner
Fix the agreement mistake
commissioners
show examples
 and monasteries should offer to donate a variety of things; not only
money
.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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