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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country #information #features #comparisons
The chart shows the changes in ownership of different
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 appliances and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of
time
 spent doing
housework
 in
household
Add an article
the household
a household
show examples
 in one country.
According to
 the first line graph,there is no doubt that the proportion of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and vacuum cleaner
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase year by year,
although
 they were lower than washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 between 1920 and 1940.In 1960 the proportion of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 was the same as
vacuum
Add an article
a vacuum
the vacuum
show examples
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
.But the percentage of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
was reduce
Change the verb form
was reduced
show examples
 slightly in 1980,with more and more
people
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,it was increase gradually from 1980 to 2019.On the
countrary
Correct your spelling
contrary
,the proportion of the other two
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all rise rapidly.They were widely used by
people
 and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
they jumped
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100%
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2000 until 2019 and even now. From the
second
 line graph,it’s clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the amount of
time
 spent doing
housework
 has fallen sharply.In 1920,
people
 should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
time
 doing
housework
 at least 50 hours per week.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 with the development of since and technology,
people
 just spent 10 hours in 2019.Nowadays,
people
 spend less
time
 doing
housework
.There is no
deny
Change the form of the verb
denying
show examples
 that technology has really changed
people
's lives.
Submitted by 宁宇宇123 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, housework, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership of electrical appliances
  • steadily increased
  • dramatically decreased
  • correlating the rise
  • became common
  • households
  • prevalence
  • technological advancements
  • increased affordability
  • household chores
  • labor-saving devices
  • allocated for housework
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