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Band 4

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons and solutions?

#people #drinks
It is true that
people
 are taking a lot of
sugar based
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
show examples
 drinks .There are many reasons responsible for
this
 issue and effective steps need to be taken It
is commonly believe
Change the verb form
is commonly believed
show examples
 that an unhealthy diet
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 various health problems.As an explanation of
this
 , consuming more and more
sugar
 is not good for health . As obesity, diabetes and heart disease are on the top .
For instance
 ,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
 was conducted in 2012 shows that
percentile
Correct article usage
the percentile
show examples
 of male
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than female in regards
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the consumption of
sugar
 .
Although
 they will suffer from several types of diseases too . On the other side , taking
sugar
 is good as well as it boosts our mind and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us more energetic. To explain
this
 ,
people
 who did
regularly
Add an article
a regularly
show examples
 physical activity
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer to take more
sugar
 as they
burnt
Wrong verb form
burn
show examples
 their calories while doing exercise so they need to have some
sugar
 drinks to boost up their body .
For instance
 ,most
people
 nowadays lead a sedentary lifestyle. In the past ,
people
 were more active in their jobs at home because they are taking good diet good amount of
sugar
 . But nowadays
people
 mostly did sitting jobs due to which they prefer more
sugar
 . To sum up , the solution to
this
 is
people
 have to do regular exercise to maintain their healthy body
Submitted by amangill6541 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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