IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which why children are less well educated today. To what extend do you agree with this statement.

#children #time #television #book #tool
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are becoming
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more time in front of
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
 entertainment industry.
However
Linking Words
,
books
Use synonyms
 are not a tool that
TV
Use synonyms
 can
comparison
Replace the word
compare
show examples
 with. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because children can be benefitted from
TV
Use synonyms
 education programmes. On the one hand, young people use textbooks example doing homework and
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 new
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
, and took a huge number of knowledge from it ,and
also
Linking Words
 after they read many
books
Use synonyms
,
chiln
Correct your spelling
child
children
 read
books
Use synonyms
 quickly, sometimes if
teenagers
Use synonyms
 recite some contents of
classic
Add an article
the classic
a classic
show examples
 novel,they could write those on their essay,so
kids
Use synonyms
 will get a lot of reading or writing skill and knowledge from
books
Use synonyms
,which is much better than
TV
Use synonyms
 which is
digital
Add an article
the digital
a digital
show examples
 entertainment industry,
kids
Use synonyms
 use it to watching
TV
Use synonyms
 series, variety shows,talk shows e.g. for
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 television does relax the
kids
Use synonyms
, television still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 film and programmes, if
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 bureau
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 more educational children’s films or channel ,
then
Linking Words
teenagers
Use synonyms
 could leaning study, study, cooking skills.watch educational
channnel
Correct your spelling
channel
channels
 will lead
kids
Use synonyms
learn
Add the particle
to learn
show examples
 more life skills that
books
Use synonyms
 can not tell younger.
For example
Linking Words
,a channel
tell
Change the verb form
tells
show examples
 if a kid living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
underground
Add an article
the underground
show examples
 floor and did not bring the key with him,
then
Linking Words
 he can climb through the window, to back home,
this
Linking Words
 too for
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 personal approach to life. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
books
Use synonyms
 could help children get knowledge , but television is not only
relaxing
Correct article usage
a relaxing
show examples
 electronic product
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
it
also
Linking Words
 can let
teenagers
Use synonyms
 know how to
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
realistic
Replace the word
real
show examples
 issues in their life.
Submitted by myang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: