IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is a good idea of all employees to wear a uniform at work.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #employees #uniform #work
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It has been believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that all the employees at a certain workplace should put on a
uniform
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. I extremely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as wearing a
uniform
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 provides a sense of unity and belongingness. It
also
Linking Words
 gives a feeling of being common among
others
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. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 I will elaborate
this
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 idea with examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when an employee wears a
uniform
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 at
work
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, it signifies
him
Correct pronoun usage
he
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a part of that particular organization.
Hence
Linking Words
, it gives him the identity that he belongs to that company.
This
Linking Words
 feeling enhances the self-confidence of the worker and makes him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
give his best at
work
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a doctor who works at a hospital puts on the apron with
logo
Add an article
the logo
a logo
show examples
 of that hospital.
This
Linking Words
 makes him
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recognised by
others
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 as an employee of that particular hospital.
People
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 pay more attention when they look at the logo of a particular company.
This
Linking Words
 not only makes an impression
among
Change preposition
on
show examples
others
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 but
also
Linking Words
 adds
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the importance
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 an individual's personal identity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, wearing a
uniform
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 at
work
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 eliminates the classification of
class
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 as someone
belongs
Wrong verb form
belonging
show examples
 to a middle
class
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 or upper
class
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. Neither one can judge you by your attire nor can make any statement on your financial status.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there would be no feeling of superiority or inferiority. Everyone looks
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 after putting on a
uniform
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, which makes each and every worker common
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
Use synonyms
. To exemplify,
while
Linking Words
 working in a big firm it is not necessary that all
people
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 who
work
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 there belong to the same
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 background. If there
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 no system of wearing a
uniform
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then
Linking Words
, some
people
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 may come to
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 with expensive outfits,
whereas
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,
others
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 may not be able
afford
Add the particle
to afford
show examples
branded
Add an article
a branded
the branded
show examples
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 would lead to
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of inequality among
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and
people
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 from
poorer
Correct article usage
the poorer
show examples
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 may go into
inferiority
Correct article usage
an inferiority
show examples
 complex.
This
Linking Words
 would result
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
 in their confidence
as well as
Linking Words
 productivity.
Thus
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, wearing
Use synonyms
uniform
Correct article usage
a uniform
show examples
 prevents
such
Linking Words
 scenarios.
To conclude
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, I totally agree with the idea of wearing a
uniform
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
 trend has many advantages.
Also
Linking Words
, even if it has any disadvantages, I suppose the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by vij11sharma on

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Task Response
In the introduction, make sure to clearly state your position on the topic and outline the structure of your essay. Develop each main point with more depth and provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Ensure that the conclusion restates your position and summarizes the key points made in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your ideas in a logical sequence. Use transition words and phrases to connect your sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Also, check for sentence structures to ensure clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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