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Band 6

Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pace #stress #life #effect #families
Nowadays, living in
urban
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the urban
an urban
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 city makes
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the connection
a connection
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connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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 in
family
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the family
show examples
 getting worse caused by
depressed
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depression
show examples
 and high-speed of modern life. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion because
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 less spend their time with family and they
also
 did not want to share their problem
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their closest family.
First
 of all, contemporary lifestyle
demand
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demands
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 people to the fast pace for their activity and cause negative things in the house. They usually spend most of their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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 outside
Add a hyphen
home-like
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home
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the home
show examples
 like working and studying. That activity caused them got less contact with their family.
For example
,
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 spend about 8 to 10 hour
to work
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working
show examples
 and takes around 2
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 way to the office.
Thus
,
high-speed
Correct article usage
a high-speed
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 lifestyle
lead
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leads
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 to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
 in
urban
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an urban
the urban
show examples
 city.
Secondly
, stress caused by work
preasure
Correct your spelling
pressure
also
have
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has
show examples
 drawback
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
household
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the household
a household
show examples
. Nowadays, people keep their
problem
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problems
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 away from their closest
relative
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relatives
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. It will cause
connection
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the connection
a connection
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 between them far away than before and bring negative
impact
.
For Instance
, a father got fired in his works, he will keep secret his problem to their family and it could lead to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the families. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
stress
Add an article
the stress
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 in contemporary life could make
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 families. In conclusion, I completely agree with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 lifestyle could bring
negative
Add an article
the negative
a negative
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thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 to
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
This
 is because high-speed of living that makes people got far away from their family and stress that they got from
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 lead to community become more selfish than before.
Submitted by ardiirtp on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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