IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pace #stress #life #effect #families
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Nowadays, living in
urban
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the urban
an urban
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 city makes
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the connection
a connection
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connection
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connections
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 in
family
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the family
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 getting worse caused by
depressed
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depression
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 and high-speed of modern life. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion because
community
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the community
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 less spend their time with family and they
also
 did not want to share their problem
to
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with
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 their closest family.
First
 of all, contemporary lifestyle
demand
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demands
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 people to the fast pace for their activity and cause negative things in the house. They usually spend most of their time
for
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on
show examples
activity
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activities
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 outside
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home-like
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home
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the home
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 like working and studying. That activity caused them got less contact with their family.
For example
,
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 spend about 8 to 10 hour
to work
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working
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 and takes around 2
hour
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hours
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
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 way to the office.
Thus
,
high-speed
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a high-speed
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 lifestyle
lead
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leads
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 to
bad
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a bad
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impact
for
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on
show examples
family
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a family
the family
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 in
urban
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an urban
the urban
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 city.
Secondly
, stress caused by work
preasure
Correct your spelling
pressure
also
have
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has
show examples
 drawback
impact
for
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on
show examples
household
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the household
a household
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. Nowadays, people keep their
problem
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problems
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 away from their closest
relative
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relatives
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. It will cause
connection
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the connection
a connection
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 between them far away than before and bring negative
impact
.
For Instance
, a father got fired in his works, he will keep secret his problem to their family and it could lead to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
impact
for
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on
show examples
 the families. That's why
,
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apply
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stress
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the stress
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 in contemporary life could make
negative
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a negative
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 families. In conclusion, I completely agree with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 lifestyle could bring
negative
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the negative
a negative
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thing
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things
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 to
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
This
 is because high-speed of living that makes people got far away from their family and stress that they got from
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 lead to community become more selfish than before.
Submitted by ardiirtp on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern life
  • fast pace
  • stress
  • negative effect
  • family bonds
  • working hours
  • conflicts
  • advancements in technology
  • distract
  • family time
  • financial pressures
  • living standards
  • strain
  • individuals
  • family activities
  • traditions
What to do next:
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