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Band 5

everyone should adopt for a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #meat #health
Nowadays, a lot of people start to choose a vegetarian mode for different reasons.
However
, to be a vegetarian it's not an easy way, and it's a type of a challenge.
Nevertheless
, it's not all the time about health conditions.
Firstly
, any kind of
diet
 requires a serious focus, and it's not for everyone.
Therefore
, I believe that those who start to adopt a vegetarian
diet
 may have a good motivation like health problems or strongly believe that the planet
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 overcrowded and we should love animals, and very soon all animals will be not enough to feed the population.
Thus
,
for example
, I have a friend who loves the so much the animals,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is the reason why she chose to become a vegetarian.
On the other hand
,
this
diet
 requires attention and it's not cheap at all.
However
, we should accept that the prices
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
fresh vegetables are more expensive than the prices of meat.
Hence
, the person who starts to follow
this
 type of
diet
 should consult a doctor in the beginning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and may need some supplement pills, which will cover the missing substances which in normal mode we are assimilating from the meat.
To sum up
, it's more about a personal choice
which
Change preposition
of which
show examples
diet
 we follow up, even more, today to be a vegetarian
it's
Verb problem
is
show examples
 cool and the number of
thus
 who adopt
this
 type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feeding
is continued
Wrong verb form
continues
show examples
 to increase.
Consequently
, more adverts and publications in mass media
it's
Verb problem
are
show examples
 about trying to encourage more people to choose a vegetarian
diet
.
Submitted by rodica.nebunelea on

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic of adopting a vegetarian diet and presents arguments in favor of it. You provide reasons for choosing a vegetarian diet and mention the challenges it poses. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and elaborating on each point further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence between paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next and that your ideas are connected clearly throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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