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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #prison #sentences #decrease #crime #alternative
Crime
 is a serious problem rising in today’s world. To tackle it, some argue that
offenders
 should spend longer
time
 in
prison
, while others feel that there are other ways to reduce
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
 activities.
This
 essay will look at both views and explain why I think
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
prison
 sentence with psychological treatment is a better way to address the issue. Many
people
 believe that handling out longer
time
 to
offenders
 will drastically reduce
crime
 because
this
 can invoke fear among other criminals. When a person knows that
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 years of their lives will be spent in
prison
 when they break the law, they become careful and obedient.
For instance
, in countries like the UAE and Qatar, a violent
crime
 usually leads to lifetime
prison
 sentences, which makes
people
 think twice before committing any serious
crime
.
Hence
, imposing strict punishment deters
people
 from committing
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. Others,
however
, feel that there are different ways to lower the
crime
 rate,
such
 as providing affordable education and employment. When
people
 are occupied with school activities and jobs, they tend not to have the opportunity to engage in
crime
.
For example
, Sweden provides free tuition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and has a high employment rate. Research has shown that it has one of the lowest
crime
 rates in the world. If more countries provide jobs and low-cost education,
crime
 could dramatically reduce.
Thus
, longer sentences are not needed. In my view, a better way to curb
crime
 is by providing psychological treatment to
offenders
 while serving shorter
time
 in
prison
.
This
 evaluation will ascertain the root cause of their offences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while providing treatments and support. Countries like the Netherlands adapts these methods, whereby
offenders
 get no more than six years in
prison
 but must get psychological assistance while serving their punishments.
This
 will instil fear in intending
offenders
 and at the same
time
, cause
behavioural
Add an article
a behavioural
show examples
 change in criminals, whereas
people
 who serve longer years can fall back to committing crimes.
Submitted by diestadhania on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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