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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men
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In
this
 day and age, it is claimed that females ought to be permitted to serve in the military, namely the navy and the air force and
this
 seems to be an increasingly universal trend in many parts of the world. From my perspective, even though
this
 standpoint might be legitimate to a certain extent, I opine reality has proven
otherwise
. Admittedly, there are a number of rational explanations for
this
 pressing issue that cannot be neglected.
First
 and foremost, the compelling reason would be gender discrimination as the army is designed exclusively for men’s physiology. Taking the intense training program, it can be explicable that the menstrual cycle has a significant influence on their training, thereby the infertile session.
Moreover
, another leading factor would be that if women soldiers join in the war, they are
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
show examples
 to be imprisoned than their male counterparts because of their weak physical abilities, which can lead to the hazard of their life.
Accordingly
, we might as well lose some crucial matches.
On the other hand
, there is ample evidence that allowing women to participate in the army should be taken into account.
Initially
, the overriding motive would be
that female soldiers
Change the determiner
that female soldier
those female soldiers
show examples
 should receive full recognition for their dedication.
Hence
, it promotes gender equality, resulting in more respect for women.
Furthermore
, another dominant reason would be encouraging more females to serve in the military, thereby improving the strength of the national military. The conclusion to be drawn is that
although
 there are several factors leading to
this
 phenomenon, there are still underlying limitations to it.
Submitted by star.nguyenhuyhoang.2409 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • combat roles
  • physical prowess
  • stamina
  • dynamics
  • cohesion
  • resilience
  • integration
  • gender disparities
  • morale
  • recruitment
  • retention
  • biological differences
  • stereotypes
  • feminism
  • glass ceiling
  • break barriers
  • pioneer
  • groundbreaking
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