Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #children #work

Nowadays many companies

recruiting

Wrong verb form

recruit

show examples

youngsters to work either part-time or full

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

. People

are argue

Change the verb form

are arguing

show examples

this

subject whether working from an early age might lead to decreasing the quality of

children

’s background

knowledge

whereas many people think that earning money will help to be independent.

However

, the demerits found in

this

topic would overshadow the merits. On the one hand, young people while working will probably get quite efficient

life

experiences. Since they are in one project or field for a long time,

children

will learn all aspects and even could be a good employer in future with

rich

Add an article

a rich

show examples

bag of

knowledge

in it.

Moreover

, it could

also

help in managing and using money wisely, the results of which might be seen in their upcoming

life

Thus

, working for

children

has many positive effects that can be useful not only in

life

but

also

in career too.

On the other hand

, starting working with fellow

knowledge

could have a great negative impact on being a specialist of a particular job. As

children

might focus only on the job or project they are probably will forget the educational parts and even ignore it.

Consequently

, without any based information youngsters start the career,

however

after some decades they can be replaced with another employer with enriched educational skills.

Therefore

, the

first

aspect that should be developed and paid much attention

Change preposition

to in

show examples

their childhood is studying required

knowledge

. To conclude, even working for

children

from adolescence has positive consequences, the fact that it could lead to many errors not only in their career but in their own

life

too

is quite outweigh

Change the verb form

is quite outweighed

is quite outweighing

show examples

the pros.

Submitted by azickww on Sat Feb 12 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

beneficial
harmful
advantages
disadvantages
financial independence
responsibility
valuable skills
impact
education
exploitation
negative effects
social life

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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Write about the following topic: Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society? Give reasons for your answer.

many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

The first smartphone was released in 1992. By then year 2020 there may be as many as 2.5 billion smartphones in the world. The use of smartphones is decreasing our collective intelligence because we are reliant on the technology and not our own minds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?