IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is common aspiration among many young peopleto run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

#aspiration #peopleto #business #work #employer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate whether potential younger should be a startup or become a normal worker. While
this
Linking Words
 statement is valid to some extent, I would say it may do more harm than good. Without a shadow of a doubt, the more progressed life is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the higher competition among humans that lead to a wide range of novel corporation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, establishing a firm is taken into consideration in
this
Linking Words
 day and age because the younger don't want to be controlled by anyone.
Secondly
Linking Words
, If employers have a bad upper manager who often criticises them and a heavy workload, they will be under stress due to being controlled.
As a result
Linking Words
, more and more the young tend to found their own company to have liberty
instead
Linking Words
 of being a worker. While the redeeming feature of a startup is widely acknowledged, its counterpart still lingers. If countries have too many corporations which have a boss with a small number of experience and ability,
this
Linking Words
 country will have an exponential decrease in the economy because of the bankruptcy of these companies. As a consequence, an eclectic mix of the youth becomes the upper managers for their own corporation brings unfavourable impact on one nation's economy. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 founding own profession brings desirable influence on individuals and their country, I would say its demerits outweigh its counterpart.
Submitted by van.ngh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: