IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs, Children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people, or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?

#countries #community #service #programs #people #children #charity #work #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Youth is the best
time
Use synonyms
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
human life for productive activities. During
this
Linking Words
 stage,
people
Use synonyms
 are energetic and creative and
therefore
Linking Words
 are best suited for serving their
community
Use synonyms
. Some countries have realized the potential of their young manpower and taken initiatives to utilize it in various
services
Use synonyms
 by making the
community
Use synonyms
 service mandatory for
children
Use synonyms
 aged 16 to 18. While these initiatives are certainly useful for the welfare of both the country and the young
people
Use synonyms
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some less noticeable adverse effects on the participating
children
Use synonyms
 like decreasing their free
time
Use synonyms
 and hindering the growth of their creativity.
Upbringing
Add an article
The upbringing
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers are widely considered as the most important factor in shaping the future of a country. It is,
therefore
Linking Words
, supremely important to grow a sense of attachment within them towards their
community
Use synonyms
. Participating directly in different charity works not only helps to develop
this
Linking Words
 attachment but
also
Linking Words
 turns them into sensible, compassionate, and responsible citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 train the youths to be leaders in their respective fields in future. For most of the developed countries in the current world, it is noticeable in their young
people
Use synonyms
 to have extensive experience of engaging in welfare activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, kids require spare
time
Use synonyms
 to hone their creativity. Being continuously pressured to do activities imposed by others reduces
Use synonyms
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 for leisure and recreation, which may hurt cognitive development.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it becomes notoriously difficult for these
children
Use synonyms
 to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their own families, resulting in
fragile
Correct article usage
a fragile
show examples
 family structure and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of respect toward parents.
Last
Linking Words
 but not the least, these programs take away the natural spontaneous happiness from the
children
Use synonyms
, which may lead them towards depression. In conclusion, the importance of involving the young generation in
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 can not be overstated. Especially in today’s materialistic world where
people
Use synonyms
 tend to engage themselves in a
rat-race
Correct your spelling
rat race
show examples
 for being successful, charity works are one of the few things to preserve the altruistic nature
that is
Linking Words
 the core of humanity.
However
Linking Words
, at the same
time
Use synonyms
, these selfless acts should not take away the little happiness of minds necessary to survive. The best strategy would be to find a middle ground where
children
Use synonyms
 are encouraged, but not forced to perform
community
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by naumifaiza on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: