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Band 3

many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
It is true to say that
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 fabricated meal and liquid products consist and f greater level of carbohydrate which lead to serious health issues to improve
this
 situation
this
 type of products should be made more lavish to inspire civilization to absorb less
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
. I firmly differ
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
suggested
Correct article usage
the suggested
show examples
 viewpoint. My preference is justified
further
. The principal argument I shall put forth is that it can affect the productivity of
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
. If the price is increased of assembled products which may
forced
Change the verb form
force
be forced
show examples
 to people to less purchase and less eat outside
food
 so it's a mass problem for trade and business.
Too
Replace the word
To
show examples
 add to the mentioned point it is
also
obstacles
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacle
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 for those who
are depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
 on
pre cooked
Add a hyphen
pre-cooked
show examples
food
. One example is mostly for
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
 person that they devour meals from already cooked
food
 if
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
this
 product is rise than it not affordable for daily basis.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it should not be overlooked that nowadays people
are rely
Change the verb form
are relying
show examples
 on
such
 type of
food
 that made from atrocious materials and it is very disastrous for their health
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
food
 and drugs department should escalation the cost and of
this
 content of
food
 to stop society using constructed foodstuff. To close the discussion it can be eventually commented that
boost
Correct article usage
a boost
show examples
 in the price of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
a sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
encourage
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 to eat less sugar. I believe that the price should not be increased but the person itself should reduce to eat
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
 level of sugar
food
.
Submitted by ghorivinas64 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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