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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

#people #diet #exercise #health #life
It is considered by some that having a balanced diet and
exercise
 are not important for wellness and achieving
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 life. In my own perspective, I fully disagree with them as I believe that both of these are crucial. One good reason to have a balanced diet is that it promotes better health.
People
 who eat nutritious foods can prevent being sick.
For instance
, when they
are avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 large consumptions of fats, sugar and sodium, it can keep their body away from diseases
such
 as hypertension and diabetes, compared to
people
 who are not.
Hence
, eating nutritious food is necessary for a healthy body.
Moreover
, aside from diet, having daily
exercise
 is
likewise
 vital in increasing the life expectancy of a human. Daily physical activity can fight obesity and keep good blood circulation, thereby
making
Verb problem
improving
show examples
 cardiac health as well.
For example
, a person who has a sedentary lifestyle has a higher chance of dying early as opposed to a person who always
visit
Change the verb form
visits
show examples
 a gym to
exercise
.
As a result
, the latter is expected to live longer than the former, as
this
 activity can prevent any problems regarding well-being.
Thus
, it is a must
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
people
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 routine physical activity. In conclusion, some
people
 say that both healthy eating habits and workouts are not significant.
However
, I fully believe that if a person wants to live for long years and be healthy, he must eat the right kind of food and make sure to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
 regularly.
This
 can help
people
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good health.
Submitted by panaratsri on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and statistical data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically linked to the previous one to improve the flow of ideas.
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