IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
A section of individuals
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
teenagers
 and
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 would gain when the
teenagers
 spend their leisure
time
 doing
community
work
. I am of the same
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 as being engaged would prevent
idleness
 and would equip them with various knowledge and
skills
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will write about how
teenagers
 and the
community
 benefits when
teenagers
, during their free
time
, are actively involved in
community
work
. Actively engaging
teenagers
 during their leisure
time
prevents
Change the verb form
prevent
show examples
idleness
.
Idleness
 is not only bad to an individual but it is
also
 bad to the
community
. An idle teenager
for instance
 would indulge in bad behaviours like using illicit drugs, prostitution, theft, cyber-crime, alcoholism among others.
This
 would result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
community
 with people who are dangerous to themselves as well as to other society members.
Moreover
,
teenagers
 acquire knowledge and
skills
 when they volunteer during their leisure
time
. It is during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
work
 that
teenagers
 will learn the importance of keeping the environment clean. Some
skills
 like planting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
trees will be learnt during the
community
 activities. Ultimately, all the activities done will be beneficial to the
community
 at large. In conclusion, involving
teenagers
 in
community
work
 during their free
time
 prevents
idleness
 and equips them with knowledge and
skills
 that are beneficial to them as well as to the
community
. It is my wish that all communities will embrace the act of engaging
teenagers
 during their free
time
.
Submitted by dmwitikimathi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: