IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in many countries children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, obesity and
unhealthiness
Correct article usage
the unhealthiness
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 of
children
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of the controversial topics that are
discussing
Wrong verb form
discussed
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 often. Most of the dwellers believe that
,
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apply
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 governments should take responsibility for
this
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.
However
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, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I am going to describe some points in my essay.
First
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 of all,
children
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 are closer to their
parents
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 they spend most of their time with family members
,
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apply
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 so that
parents
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 have to control their diet and daily consumption of
foods
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. Because of
this
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, elders can provide them with
more
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apply
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healthier food rather than junk
foods
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.
For example
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, every day we can see television and Instagram advertisements which are showing unhealthy
foods
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. After seeing
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of videos,
children
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 are interested in consuming these types of
foods
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 and ask their
parents
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 about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Nevertheless
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,
parents
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 should explain the harm of these sustenances and direct them proper diet habits from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood.
In addition
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, the
child
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have
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has
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 to do more physical activities
such
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 as running, swimming or walking that help to digest easily and
also
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 each country has parks and tracks for
children
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.
Moreover
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, these activities can help the blood circulation and mental health of the
child
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, since parts of
body
Add an article
the body
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 will work physically and actively.
Furthermore
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, if
parents
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 can control
child
Use synonyms
's daily physical exercises, it will be beneficial for their health forever. In conclusion, by given
points
Correct article usage
the points
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 above, we can realize that
,
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apply
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 the main responsibility of
child
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 health depends on the direction of
parents
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 but except
from
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apply
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 relativity.

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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