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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that public health is the responsibility of the government while others think that people should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #health #responsibility #government
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When the question regarding
health
Use synonyms
 is discussed there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 divided
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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. A group of people regard that social well being
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the priority of authority; whereas a few others claim that society should be in control
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their personal
health
Use synonyms
. Prior to my
opinion
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,opinion
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view would be discussed. Discussing the former opinion the supporter explain that
Linking Words
To
Add the comma(s)
,To
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 begin with administration should arrange social
health
Use synonyms
 clubs. With
this
Linking Words
 people can aware about
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
exercise
 and mental or physical
health
Use synonyms
 through which they will join
organization
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
 of
health
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 and can improve their overall fitness.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 they can appoint
central
Correct article usage
a central
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health
Use synonyms
officer
Fix the agreement mistake
officers
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 into
Add an article
a suburb
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suburb
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suburbs
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 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will go door to door for checking
of
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apply
show examples
family strength and
collect
Wrong verb form
collecting
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 data. After that government should take some steps in order to improve public
health
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. On the flip
side
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,side
show examples
 those who defend the latter view claim that.
Firstly
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 the person should eat
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet.
This
Linking Words
 is to say that if the individual
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not control their eating habits of that it will
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
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into
Change preposition
in
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 serious illnesses and
other disease
Change the wording
another disease
other diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as obesity Diabetes.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
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 they might be check-up regular to f their
health
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 and take advice from experts as well as do as per suggestions of proficient doctor. Nowadays people are become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their fitness and doing exercises and going to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
. To sum up and offer my position I support
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 view than the former one. It is their own body and they should take care of it by
consume
Change the verb form
consuming
show examples
 healthy meals along with doing regular efforts
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 upgrade their general physical
health
Use synonyms
.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Government responsibility
  • Individual responsibility
  • Vaccination programs
  • Anti-smoking campaigns
  • Subsidized medical services
  • Healthcare accessibility
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Food safety regulations
  • Pollution control
  • Occupational safety
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Self-education
  • Proactive management
  • Personalized healthcare
  • Comprehensive health system
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