IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

#people #diet #exercise #health #life
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In
this
 modern scenario,the topic of
health
 issues is controversial.a proportion of society ruminates that it is a waste of
time
 to care about
a nutritious food
Remove the article
nutritious food
a portion of nutritious food
show examples
 and gymnastics.I completely disaccord with
this
 statement.
this
 essay will go into better detail with my subject view. To embark on,in my perspective,
health
 is very imperative in everyone's life because without proper
health
 we can not get
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 in our entity.these days,many individuals do not indulge in physical
activities
 due to their busy schedules.
consequently
,they might have suffered
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 diseases.
moreover
,some multitudes feel that it takes
time
 to inculcate with gymnastics and diet as they ruminate that these
activities
 involved in high income with more
time
,so they are not interested to go to the fitness centre.
for instance
,in
this
 modern busy era,many
people
 are doing jobs with involving in more hours and take high risks,
therefore
 they consider that diet and exercise are not
manadatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 to maintain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
well-being. On another hand,nowadays,many
people
 are becoming idle as they are habituated to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 electronic gizmos
such
 as phones and laptops.
as a result
,they stayed glued
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social media continuously.
thus
,multitudes are getting fat because they do not do physical
activities
.
consequently
,they will lead to diseases
such
 as weight gain and obesity.
furthermore
,due to the advancement of technology,many
people
 are doing jobs just sitting at homes through electronic devices,
then
 it leads to
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems.
for example
,according to the world
health
 organisation,60% of
people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 weight gain problems due to the lack of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. To conclude,
firstly
,
health
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important tool to achieve our goals,
therefore
 everyone spends
little
Add an article
the little
a little
show examples
 amount of
time
 to do physical
activities
,in order to every citizen inhabit with good
health
.
Submitted by anushachenna15 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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