Traditional games are more useful than modern games in developing children’s skills. Do you agree or disagree?
Many scientists asserted that
games
are inevitable in human-being and playing the
Correct article usage
apply
games
is very important. However
, with changing games
' types along to time passing, some people believe that traditional games
are better than modern games
about
enhancing Change preposition
for
children
's ability. Also
, I agree that old
one is better than these days' one because traditional Correct article usage
the old
games
influence more positive ways with Add an article
the child
a child
child
than modern Fix the agreement mistake
children
games
.
Old games
are more helpful to children
than recent games
. Actually, most of
Change preposition
apply
modern
Add an article
the modern
games
have been progressed using mobile devices, which are already utilized by young
generation in many situations like studying and working. It is clear that mobile facilities Add an article
the young
such
as smartphone
and Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
computer
affect badly Fix the agreement mistake
computers
to
childrens' health. Using too much time on mobile Change preposition
apply
games
can make children
to
have Change the verb form
apply
disabilties
like decreasing eyesight, obesity, and Correct your spelling
disabilities
obessions
. Correct your spelling
obsessions
Therefore
, modern games
have a lot of side effects on children
's health.
However
, traditional games
usually lead children
to move their body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
,
and have deep relations to sports. Remove the comma
apply
Thus
, doing old games
can improve young people's physical health compared to modern ones. Also
, children
can make their friends and build active
Add an article
an active
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
as
interacting directly exercising together. While enjoying the sports in Change preposition
by
group
, they can build many skills like how to interact with similar ages, how to move their body, and improving leadership.
In conclusion, I believe traditional Add an article
the group
a group
games
moving their body with fellow are more helpful for children
's development in physical aspects. The child who enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoys
games
that have long history tend to grow healthier and make a good relationship with Add an article
a friend
friend
than Fix the agreement mistake
friends
who
didn't.Correct pronoun usage
those who
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite