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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that if a police officer carries guns , it can encourage a higher level of violence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are a lot of
police
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officers
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carry
Correct pronoun usage
who carry
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guns
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 in different situations because their duty is
protect
Change the verb form
to protect
protecting
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 to
public
Add an article
the public
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 from
attacks
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 but there are some individuals who give opinions that if any
police
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 officer carries
guns
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. Due to
this
Linking Words
, it can encourage
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
 on
highly
Replace the word
high
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 level.
However
Linking Words
, I do disagree with the statement because they want to protect people from
rubbers
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 as well as
terrorists
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. To start with,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
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 have been put forward in favour of
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
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 a higher level of
violence
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 if
police
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officels
Correct your spelling
officers
officials
 carry weapons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are some situations when they can encourage
to
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apply
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others
such
Linking Words
 as protests and some areas where mostly
rubbers
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 or
Use synonyms
terrorists
Change the noun form
terrorist
show examples
 moments are
happen
Change the form of the verb
happening
show examples
. With
this
Linking Words
,
terrorists
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 can attack
on
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
them and it can become
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
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 situation for
police
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.
For example
Linking Words
, there are lots of terrorist
attacks
Use synonyms
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Jammu and Kashmir is a region of India where
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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police
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officers
Use synonyms
 carry
guns
Use synonyms
 due to
this
Linking Words
,
violence
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also
Linking Words
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
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 on high level.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, my opinion is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 of
this
Linking Words
 statement.
First
Linking Words
 ,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 carry
guns
Use synonyms
 for
protecting
Replace the word
protection
show examples
 to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 from
rubbers
Use synonyms
 as well as
Use synonyms
terrorists
Change the noun form
terrorist
show examples
attacks
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. They play
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important role in these situations . By means of
this
Linking Words
, people feel
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
violence
Use synonyms
as well as crime
Add the comma(s)
, as well as crime,
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 can
also
Linking Words
 reduce in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if
police
Use synonyms
officels
Correct your spelling
officers
officials
 carry
guns
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. With
this
Linking Words
, they can shut
to
Change preposition
off
show examples
rubbers
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 and
terrorists
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.
This
Linking Words
 thing put
good
Add an article
a good
the good
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 effect on society. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, thieves feel fear and do not
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 again
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others. To conclude, I think
police
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officers
Use synonyms
 need to carry
guns
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 for protecting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people in
rubbers
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 and
Use synonyms
terrorists
Change the noun form
terrorist
show examples
attacks
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. They can reduce
violence
Use synonyms
 and crime in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with the help of
guns
Use synonyms
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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