IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are marries or single. some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
The debate around whether it is a moral behaviour if people are asked about their personal data
such
 as marriage conditions for employment or not has raged on for many years. I, for one, reckon that it is essential for companies to know their employees as much as they can.
This
 essay delves into the issue and provides logical reasons before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand, supporters of the idea of enquiring the personal information believe that items
such
 as age, religion, marital status as well as pastimes would show how much a person is well-rounded even show other aspects of personality traits.
For example
, a person who does yoga for a leisure activity would have higher endurance, flexibility and patience, while a person who is a painter would definitely possess better imagination.
Thus
 all these items of
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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 could have direct impacts on the level of productivity, concentration and teamwork which
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of them are so crucial for success at a job.
On the other hand
, many people believe getting personal data is completely opposite the privacy and other factors should be taken into consideration during an interview for two key reasons. Mainly, they highlight that it is more vital to find out how much an interviewee has worked in his/her area of expertise in preference to whether he/she is single or married.
Moreover
, individuals have bad personal circumstances
such
 as being divorced and questioning about them results in their embarrassment. According to statistics which have been published by the New York Times magazine in 2020, approximately 40 per cent of interviewees feel stressed out while they are being asked about their personal information. Having taken all into consideration, as far as I am concerned, it is not a bad idea to ask for personal information as it would have profound impacts on the job.
Submitted by parinaznoruzi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: