IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should control the amount of violence in the films and TV programs, in order to reduce the crimes in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #control #amount #violence #films #tv #programs #crimes #society
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The society in which we are living has
growing
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a growing
the growing
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 trend to watch movies and television programs. People seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic
media
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. In my opinion, Government should check the level of
violence
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 in movies and other electronic
media
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 programs because every scene puts some imprints in the brain. These pictures stay in memories and give
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
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 on personality.
Violence
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 has multiple impacts on human psychology. Kids choose to get guns and pistols in the form of toys after watching
violence
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 on
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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. Some young boys seek pleasure by copying
this
Linking Words
 sort of
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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 in real life being impressed by their heroes.
Middle aged
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Middle-aged
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 ladies become frightened while thinking of their family members living in
this
Linking Words
 society
that is
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 having an unusual show of violent episodes. Old guys become depressed after observing brutal clips on the cinema screen.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some portion of viewers has a propensity to enjoy and
relaxation
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relax
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 after seeing episodes of thrill and war. Clips without
violence
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 are not palatable to them. The majority of these people are mature enough, they don’t copy
this
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 stuff in their real life. They watch the movies, make their brain relaxed and
then
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 forget the events. In short, Government should make strict
policy
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policies
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 to control the activity of
media
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. Violent episodes may be there but only for the sake of the thrill. The lesson of the story should be very constructive and informative.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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