IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

#systems #students #range #subjects #age #fifteen #study #school #two #education
Nowadays, there are many educational systems for specializing in a limited range of subjects since the
students
 became 15 years old.
However
, the fundamental
education
,
students
 need to study in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wide range of
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 before they finished the basic educational platform. But, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 various
education
pathway
Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
show examples
 for adolescent or
school aged
Add a hyphen
school-aged
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 to select their own option. Government in both developed
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 developing countries have driven the national policy to improve citizen quality of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 and
education
 or
man power
Correct your spelling
manpower
show examples
 capacity are one of the good
strategy
Change to a plural noun
strategies
show examples
 to focus in each country. The fundamental studies mostly started from grade 1st to grade 12th or from primary to secondary school.
Moreover
, there were many curricula for
students
 to student and develop their learning and cognitive
skill
. There are many advantages of
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 and general
education
 system for
students
 or parents ‘
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
. The fundamental
education
 systems could support their daily life
skill
 and identify what the
students
 desire in the
future
. It suggested
to organize
Change the verb form
organizing
show examples
 the draft of
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and
emphasize
Wrong verb form
emphasizing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual interest. The specific
education
 systems after grade 9th ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could lead the pathway of
interesting
Add an article
an interesting
show examples
 career. The
students
 could focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 or
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 that
they
Correct pronoun usage
which they
show examples
 were interested
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 practice the individual
skill
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, the
students
 are excellent at
mathemetics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 in near
future
, they will have more
skill
 in statistics or accounting.
Besides
, the
students
 who are interested in English or any foreign languages,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 the journal lists or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
writers in the
future
. Since there are
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
consensus
Change to a plural noun
consensuses
show examples
 about teaching
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
 and development studies. I strongly agree that
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
education
 system is very important for individual persons to choose and if they focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the thing that they admire , they could receive or obtain the main idea and
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the specialist of their works in one day.
Submitted by was_27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: