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Band 4

Some people say that teachers should be paid according to how their students learn. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teachers #students
From
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
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, teachers
play
Wrong verb form
have played
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 a vital role in our society and
develop
Wrong verb form
have developed
show examples
 the country by providing knowledge and skills to their educators. The ability of the population in each country significantly affects wealth. I disagree that
this
 career will be gained salary by individual ability. There are many works that
this
 approach could result in a positive side.
However
, if money encourages people's quality, the quality of them will be dramatically different because an individual has specific
want
Fix the agreement mistake
wants
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.
First,
compensation which depends on the result will create a high range of teaching skills. It is not an ethical and practical approach that students will be randomized to encounter with an excellent or bad teacher. In what should be, everyone must get a good and adequate education,
that is
 why some countries have the appropriate standard to classify
schoolteacher
Fix the agreement mistake
schoolteachers
show examples
.
Thus
, a salary based on academic results is not an efficient approach. Second, corruption can occur because when income is dependent on the examination score, instructors can cheat and tell the answer
for
Change preposition
to
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 their students to gain additional salaries.
This
 situation
makes
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in learning outcome deterioration.
Moreover
, if the test is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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multiple choices, it is difficult to investigate
this
 action.
Therefore
, the income that varies to school records is not an appropriate system and can not guarantee that someone will not break the regulation.
To conclude
, the way that instructors are paid
according to
educators
Change noun form
educators'
educator's
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 learning induces
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inequality of knowledge and corruption. So,
this
 is clear that
this
 system cannot be applied. In some countries, there are criteria to paymaster and objective of studying in each subject.
Submitted by kavinpob on

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task
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and that your conclusion provides a summary of your main points and a final stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more coherently and use cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to improve the logical structure of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate words to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tenses, and word forms to improve the grammatical accuracy and range in your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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