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Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
A group of individuals present the view that the best solution for the
people
 who are unsatisfied with their
job
 or salary is they accept the circumstances. Whereas others believe it is better
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
people
 try more to make a progress .I strongly agree with the latter opinion. On the one hand , some
people
 justifiably argue that
people
 should attempt more to find a suitable solution for their
problems
 .
In addition
 , it can lead to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 make a progress in their life . In my personal experience , dissatisfaction with
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 or salary can cause several
problems
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run
such
depression
Change preposition
as depression
show examples
 and stress . A good
job
 provides a person with a sense of identity .
moreover
 , having a lucrative career can bring a sense of satisfaction .
Consequently
 ,
people
 should be aware the best way to rectify a bad
situation
 is that they try more and tackle the
problems
 and they can boost their efficiency.
On the other hand
 , another group of
people
 claim that accepting the bad
situation
 is the best way.they insist that unsatisfactory careers and a shortage of money could be accepted by
people
 .
however
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do not find
this
 argument convincing because it does not appeal to doing something without any progress .
people
 should not put themselves in a bad
situation
 and stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it . if they do not try more , they are more likely to fail to catch up on their basic needs in their retirement.
consequently
 . the best way is that
people
 try more and find
fulfilling
Add an article
a fulfilling
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. To conclude . in my view ,
people
 should do their best to rectify a bad
situation
 . accepting
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 worst circumstances can cause several
problems
 in one's life
such
 as stress.
moreover
 , accepting a bad
situation
 and not trying to improve it can be problematic in your retirement .
Submitted by banan_reza on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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