IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people do not spend their holidays and weekend doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in the natural environment. Why? And how to encourage them to go out?

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Youngsters often do not spend their vacations and weekends doing outdoor
activities
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 in the natural environment because of several reasons,
however
Linking Words
, there are some beneficial actions to encourage them to go out. There are three main reasons why younger
people
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 are not interested in outdoor
activities
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 in nature. First of all,
adolesces
Correct your spelling
adolescents
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 prefer to spend their spare time going to various clubs and parties at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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night, and that of restaurants and cafes during the day, as these
activities
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 are trends among younger adults.
Secondly
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, nowadays
people
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 especially teenagers do physical
activities
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 less than before.
For instance
Linking Words
, doing shopping
need
Verb problem
requires
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 less energy than climbing a mountain, so outdoor
activities
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 are less popular among young
people
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.
Finally
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,
people
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 for
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to natural areas should go out of the town and
this
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 action needs
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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 more hours. Unfortunately, young adults do not have enough time to do
this
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, as they have to study and work hard for their future lives.
However
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, adults can do many things to encourage young generations.
For example
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, older
people
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 can talk about the benefits of going to the natural environment and doing outdoor
activities
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,
such
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 as assisting to keep fit and trying new advantages.
Besides
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 that, families can go to natural areas with their children from an early age until their kids become familiar with
such
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 areas.
As a result
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, these children when growing up have more enthusiasm for being in the natural environment and doing
activities
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 in
such
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 places. In conclusion,
whereas
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 youngsters are less interested in doing outdoor
activities
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 in natural surroundings, older
people
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 and families have a significant role in persuading them to do physical
activities
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 in nature.

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task response
The essay responds well to the prompt by discussing reasons why young people do not engage in outdoor activities and suggesting ways to encourage them. Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points for a higher score in this criterion.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay shows a good progression from introduction to conclusion. There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons, and a conclusion with suggestions. Work on improving the flow of ideas within paragraphs to further enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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