These dangerous sports are increasingly popular with young people. Why are these sports so appealing to them? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks?

It is quite noticeable that the popularity of these wild sports is

hiking

Verb problem

increasing

show examples

these days ,especially among youngsters.

This

Linking Words

is mainly because of the fact that they are more adventurous with a high element of risk involved

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

can be overcome by maximising

safety

Use synonyms

measures by the concerned authorities.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the most famous among these are sky diving and bungy jumping

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

these are more exciting than others as they are more daring than more

requires

Verb problem

apply

show examples

focus and training. To

instantiate

Verb problem

illustrate

show examples

, for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use the right word

skydiving

show examples

sky-diving

Punctuation problem

sky-diving,

show examples

there is a 10-hour compulsory

safety

Use synonyms

course to attend beforehand.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, some individuals consider

this

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a means to overcome their

fear

Use synonyms

and other phobias. To explain

further

Linking Words

, these sports encourage teens as they are likely to

populace

Check wording

apply

show examples

overcome certain

Use synonyms

fear

Fix the agreement mistake

fears

show examples

Punctuation problem

, like

show examples

the

fear

Use synonyms

height

Fix the agreement mistake

heights

show examples

and other anxiety issues. The above-mentioned reasons make these activities gain more fame

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

at the same

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

time

Punctuation problem

time,

show examples

it is pivotal to consider the risk factors involved

within

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Firstly

Linking Words

regulators

Fix capitalization

Regulators

show examples

should introduce high

safety

Use synonyms

standards for these life-threatening events. To explain

further

Linking Words

, introducing a mandatory requirement to hire qualified professionals as trainers will avoid many accidents

due to

Linking Words

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of knowledge.

Moreover

Linking Words

, imposing heavy fines on the company for any breach of standards will ensure compliance with the necessary health measures that will in turn irradiate many fatal injuries. To illustrate, one sports club was closed in South Africa for not meeting the

safety

Use synonyms

procedures

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

this

Linking Words

created

fear

Use synonyms

among competitors as

well

Rephrase

As well

show examples

as participants.

To conclude

Linking Words

, many young civilians like these activities as it is a means to get rid of their prevailing phobia and with a proper monitoring system in place to ensure

safety

Use synonyms

standards are available, we can get good output with limited health injuries.

ansujames

Feb 21, 2022

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coherence and cohesion

Your points are relevant but could be clearer. Try to link your ideas logically.

task achievement

Make sure to elaborate more on your examples to support your claims.

coherence and cohesion

Check your grammar and punctuation as there are some errors that may confuse the reader.

task achievement

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main ideas.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both parts of the question, which is important for a good score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

289 words

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These dangerous sports are increasingly popular with young people. Why are these sports so appealing to them? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst the younger generation. Why is this happening? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, international tourism has become an important source of income. However, it also has negative effects. Do the benefits of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.