IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #babies #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,parenthood is most important in the development of the
child
Use synonyms
.Father and mother both are equally important,solely it would be hard for anyone to handle the juvenile.In my ,opinion I will totally disagree with the statement that only one parent is fully responsible for the birth and taking care of it.I will expound my viewpoint in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,now
women
Use synonyms
 are well educated and independent to work anywhere,many working
women
Use synonyms
 are very busy with regard to their work so it would be difficult for the
women
Use synonyms
 to handle the kid all alone.
Moreover
Linking Words
,many firms prefer to hire fewer
women
Use synonyms
 in comparison to their male counterparts.
For example
Linking Words
,japan chooses fewer
women
Use synonyms
 for work because they know that female workers
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 going to take longer maternity leave.
Secondly
Linking Words
,fathers are important because they are quite good at saving money and most of the men think ahead of their time and
also
Linking Words
 about the consequences of having a
child
Use synonyms
 and their future education.
For instance
Linking Words
,many types of research have proven that males save more money than
women
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 they are more responsible.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a father alone can not handle all these responsibilities it would be arduous for one to take care of the
child
Use synonyms
 all by itself. In conclusion,it is dire that both the parent should plan together and should think in a pragmatic way.One should not nag the other partner for having a
child
Use synonyms
 it should be a joint decision and both play equally important and different roles to play in the nourishment of the
child
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kumar.dohit025 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: