some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree

Education
is an important aspect for developing of youngster insight to be more
develop
Change the form of the verb
developed
show examples
to understand how is actually the society and
world
have been doing some magics through our journey on the
world
. As a young generation who has been living in
this
advanced era, in my ,opinion
children
must have to understand the
world
properly and in more detail as
this
random society must know how to play in it.
For instance
, in
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
show examples
all ages are receiving valuable pieces of advice through formal
education
from school and informal lessons by the main family about how to engage with all people and
easy
Replace the word
easily
show examples
understand these systems work.
In contrast
, we must dig more about what the needing of our
children
which means short-
timetime
Correct your spelling
time time
working is the main point for them.
Moreover
, a long time
education
can affect worst for their psychological as
children
that actually need great nature to influence advance thinking pattern that can be utilized in their future. To conclude,
children
must know well about the
world
with cut the time of
education
time.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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