IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #languages #schools #force
Nowadays, you can see many young
children
 who can speak foreign
languages
 very easily on radio, TV even SNS. Some people say that
children
’s brain is just like a sponge so it is a perfect time to learn
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 language at
school
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young age.
However
, I do not think it is a good idea for them to
study
 foreign
languages
 in
school
. Schools should focus on teaching
children
 a wide
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
variety not just
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 foreign
languages
.
Children
 can experience many things (in)directly in
school
 and teachers should guide them to feel and learn by doing many things of their own choice not just sitting at the desk all day and
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 foreign
languages
 without
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
consideration of
children
’s
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
. If schools keep forcing young
children
 to learn foreign
languages
, it can cause severe side effects. Many parents who are enthusiastic
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
children
’s
study
 ability or capability bring their
children
 to the private foreign language
school
 to improve their skills
then
 the gap of
study
 result between students who learn and don’t will be huge. Learning foreign
languages
 is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 easy thing even for adults. It can bring loads of
study
 stress and fatigue so that they might feel a sense of frustration when
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
. As I demonstrated, learning new things including foreign
languages
 should not be a burden to students
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 young
children
. It is necessary to learn foreign
languages
 in
modern
Add an article
a modern
show examples
 globalized society,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 schools must not persuade young students to practice foreign
languages
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only for
this
 reason.
Submitted by shoep11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: