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Band 5

the key to solving the environmental problems is for the present generation to sacrifice their convenient lifestyle for the sake of future generation. Do you agree or disagree with statement?

#generation #sacrifice #lifestyle #sake #future
Some public thinks that the present
population
 give up their luxurious lives to build a better community for their juniors by contributing to some environmental issues. Generally, the
population
 living on the present
earth
 make an effort to construct a healthy environment for their children in the future.
Therefore
, I do not agree that they have to sacrifice their convenient lifestyle because of their forthcoming folks as they can gain many advantages by avoiding using electrical appliances having an impact on the
earth
. All the
population
 are now living on
earth
; so all of them have responsibilities to contribute to building a green surrounding for not only the younger generation but
also
 for themselves. First of all, if they reduce using the air-cons in their cars or houses, they can get clean air for their good health, avoiding air pollution now and
then
.
Therefore
, it can provide its own benefit
as well as
 for its future heirs.
Similarly
, they can prevent global warming when they cut off refrigerators in their daily life, leading to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perfect
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 for them
as well as
 for the ultimate.
However
, some might argue that they have to sacrifice their life to have a perfect community for their children without using air-cons and refrigerators. But it is not only a matter for the future but for the present world.
Therefore
, it should not be assumed that they have lost their right to
stay
Verb problem
live
show examples
 a perfect life as it is a duty for everyone on the
earth
 to save nature. In conclusion, the
population
 sometimes gives up the things they love to get a better one in terms of good health and a better society.
Therefore
, I am opinion that all the people around the world do their best to get the world healed and healthy without thinking that they pay for it for their youngsters.
Submitted by thidasan81 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay should be improved to create a more coherent flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the overall response should address the prompt more directly.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant specific examples to support the main points. Use specific instances to illustrate and explain your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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