IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people work for the same organization all their life. Others think that it is better towork for different organizations. Discuss both thiese views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #towork #organizations #thiese
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Taking up a career in a given company can be a lifelong decision. While some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer remaining in a particular firm till retirement, other
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy changing their jobs.
Although
Linking Words
 rising to the peak of
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 career could be faster when employees remain committed to the office they work in, I agree with the viewpoint that labour mobility will help
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 to gain experience from different situations for future endeavours. Some
people
Use synonyms
 choose to stay in a particular firm till they retire from service. They often talk of the need to rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rank as fast as possible as the main reason.
In addition
Linking Words
, others say they are not ready to trade their friendship for another job. Taken together, they trust that remaining loyal to the employer could earn one some recognition; a step to promotion to
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 level.
Consequently
Linking Words
 committed
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
 accomplished and happy by staying around an organization whose goal and vision
also
Linking Words
 suits their life aspiration.
For example
Linking Words
, it takes years of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
yard work
 to rise to the rank of a director in the civil service, but with selfless service, some workers have enjoyed rapid promotion within a short span of years.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, I think it is encouraging for public sector workers to think of migrating from one job to another.
This
Linking Words
 is because working in different
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
 exposes
peolple
Correct your spelling
people
 to learning from many leaders who are unique in their problem-solving skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, interns will be able to understand the values which drive a business to success
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and could adopt
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 approach in growing their own business in the future. A good example is the story of a colleague who went into pharmaceuticals. He told me that his success story is born out of the experience he got from working in a couple of companies by applying their work ethics to his business. In conclusion, having a career is the dream of many
people
Use synonyms
. While some
people
Use synonyms
 stay in a job for life in order to rise to the zenith, other persons like changing their jobs to gain exposure that will be used for their future industry.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I support the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 for labour mobility.
Submitted by ibenekpor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: