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Writing Samples
Band 5

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas, now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the cause for this and what are some solutions?

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Music
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 is probably one thing that could merge
people
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 in various cultures and generations together. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement and I will give reasons in the essay below. Regarding the
first
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, there is no boundary for
music
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, simply because,
music
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 or performing all over the world show a big range of
music
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 styles which rely on culture, location or language.
However
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,
everyone
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 is able to enjoy the beauty of
music
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 from melody, rhythm without language knowledge.
For example
Linking Words
, I and my friends love listening to Japanese
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song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 from manga, a
cartoon
Fix the agreement mistake
cartoons
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 in Japanese style, even we do not understand the meaning but we are still happy and dance while listening to the
song
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 which impacts our feeling. 

According to
this
Linking Words
 idea, another best example is
everyone
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sing
Wrong verb form
singing
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 the ‘Happy Birthday’
song
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 in birthday before blowing the candle. Even though
people
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 from different countries do not speak only
in
Change preposition
apply
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English but
this
Linking Words
song
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 brings
everyone
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 to celebrate a birthday party. Another reason I hold
this
Linking Words
 view,
music
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 is similar to fashion. Some
one-hit wonder
Add a hyphen
one-hit-wonder
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 songs are still on
air
Add an article
the air
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
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 or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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,
also
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 launches in remastered or covered versions.
People
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 in different generations enjoy the same
song
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different periods of time.
For instance
Linking Words
, The Beatles, an English rock band which popular in
’70s
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the ’70s
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, I am happy to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 their whole album all day and sing along with my parents, as they are a big
fan
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fans
show examples
 of The Beatles when they are a teenager. In conclusion, I definitely believe that the variety of
music
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 is valuable for
everyone
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, no matter where there are in the corner of the world or which age they are, young, mature or elder. The majority of
people
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 understand and enjoy
music
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 which is a universal interesting art piece from their experience.
Music
Use synonyms
 connects
people
Use synonyms
 together.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Exercise
  • Spending time
  • Loneliness
  • Health problems
  • Causes
  • Solutions
  • Lifestyle
  • Priorities
  • Social interaction
  • Physical activity
  • Advancements in technology
  • Promote
  • Engaging
  • Opportunities
  • Awareness
  • Family
  • Community
What to do next:
Look at other essays: