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Band 5.5

some people think that promoting a healthy life style is better than treating who are already ill. to what extent do you agree to?

#people #life #style
In our era, because of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 explosion,
people
 encounter
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
. having
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 life is crucial for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
. many
people
 prefer to have
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
the suitable
show examples
 schedule for their
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 and they think that it is more drastic in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
trating
Correct your spelling
trading
treating
. I
am firmly agree
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firmly agree
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 with
this
 belief and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we want to consider
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
this
 point of view.
firstly
, In my view, for treatment
people
 needs to spend a lot of time and money. for
humanbeings
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human beings
 that are under
poverty
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the poverty
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line
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,line
show examples
 it is very difficult to prevail the
expensus
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expenses
expense
 of therapy. so as to, funding for
cure
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a cure
show examples
, numerous families have to reduce
their
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the
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 other expenditures that
mankes
Correct your spelling
makes
make
 huge vicissitudes for them.
Furthermore
,
people
 who have ill in their family are compelled to spend most times
to treat
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treating
show examples
.
For instance
, cancer patients who are usually treated using chemotherapy, have to spend
staggering
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a staggering
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 amount of money and time.
additionaly
Correct your spelling
additionally
, sometimes doctors can't diagnose the diseases correctly and they dispense wrong prescriptions that these
patient's
Fix the agreement mistake
patients'
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 health deteriorate. illness cause anxiety,
aggresion
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aggression
, and
deppresion
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depression
 in
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 life. many drugs have irremediable effects on our body, as well as some kinds are addictive.
for example
, many painkillers have some addictive ingredients that gradually addict their users. In conclusion, due to the
increasing
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increase
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 in population and disease, it is obligatory for
people
 to maintain their body healthy.
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 treatment has very problems and it is better for
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 to prevent themselves
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
any kind of disease. we can attain to
this
 aim with using
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet, exercise, and etc.
other wise
Correct your spelling
otherwise
show examples
 we should allocate lots of our
budjet
Correct your spelling
budget
 and time for
theraphy
Correct your spelling
therapy
.
Submitted by rahimi_8455 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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