IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child& #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
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There is an increasing
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the development of
kids
Use synonyms
 is influenced by platform, pop culture and their circle,
whereas
Linking Words
 others disagree and think that family is the most affecting
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 growth.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees that
external
Correct article usage
the external
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 element is the main factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the media and social activities have
affect
Change the verb form
affected
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 behaviour. Based on
phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
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science,
kids
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
emotion
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emotions
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 and easy to susceptible because they are still
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the stage of searching its real personal image.
For instance
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, if the people around the youngsters have a hobby in music, the adolescent will follow them. They will ask their
parents
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 to buy them
guitar
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guitars
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 because
kids
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 fear
of
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apply
show examples
missing out
the
Change preposition
on the
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 trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
evident that
parents
Use synonyms
 have a significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
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 development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is because
kids
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 are under
monitor
Add an article
the monitor
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 of
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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for
Change preposition
apply
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24 hours a day. They
live
Wrong verb form
have lived
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 with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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parents
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 since they were born and
raising until
Wrong verb form
raised
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 now,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 will obey with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 ask.
Parents
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 know which are the best for their
kids
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 and can avoid things which affect negatively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters.
For example
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,
father
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fathers
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 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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teach their
kids
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 some good deeds
such
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 as
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
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 using drugs and more learning than playing. The mindset will
growth
Replace the word
grow
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 and they will apply it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both factors have their own implications, I believe the element with
more
Correct word choice
the most
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on
children
Use synonyms
 is
Use synonyms
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, parental involvement is essential in affecting
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviour and in shaping a child’s values to help them enter adult life.
Submitted by nadita.ayudya on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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