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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should do more to make their citizens have a healthier diet. Others, however, believe that individuals should take responsibility for their own diet and health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #citizens #diet #individuals #responsibility #health
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As the pressure of working or studying is heavier, more and more
people
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 get sick due to the unhealthy
diet
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 argue
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether
government
Use synonyms
 need to play a role in helping residents have a healthier
diet
Use synonyms
 or citizens need to take care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
 for their own
diet
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue from both sides. Some may propose that
government
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 is important to do more to help residents have a healthier
diet
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. One possible reason is
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has the bigger authority to carry out some compulsory regulations.
For instance
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can stipulate all schools to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for students. The diets need to include the most important nutrition
such
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 as
vitamin
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vitamins
show examples
,
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
 and protein every school day. Another reason is that
government
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 can help citizens have
easier
Add an article
an easier
show examples
 way to access
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can make sure the low prices for healthy
food
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such
Linking Words
 as vegetables, fruits, eggs and various kinds of meat by the policy like maximum prices. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
people
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 have more chances to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 with the help of
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
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 argue that
individuals
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 need to take their own accountability for their
diet
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. One of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
 is only
individuals
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 can supervise themselves.
Fix the agreement mistake
Individuals
show examples
Individual
Add an article
An individual
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 are more familiar
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 health conditions and know which types of
food
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 can eat or whether they are allergic to some
food
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.
Therefore
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, they can eat some healthy
food
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 which is suitable for them. Another reason is
individuals
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 are the
first
Linking Words
 person to worry about their health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and they
also
Linking Words
 should be the
first
Linking Words
 person to make sure they
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthier
food
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. In my opinion, I suppose
individuals
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 need to take more responsibility for their own
diet
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 compared with
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
This
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 is because governments try to improve the health condition
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 society. It is impossible
Change preposition
for that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
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 can look after every single person.
Thus
Linking Words
,
individuals
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 have more feasibility to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 as they only need to take care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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