IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #effect
It is
such
 a controversial issue that
video
games
 can be used as an education tool, whereas some people think that playing
video
games
 can cause serious side effects.
Although
 playing
games
 can help us make better decisions, I am of the opinion that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can bring about serious
health
 problems. One of the main benefits of playing
video
games
 is that it increases our problem-solving skills. When we play
games
, we have to use our brain a lot and it stimulates our brain to make better decisions quickly. So, in a way, it helps children to improve their academic performance by training their brains to make fast and correct choices.
For instance
, according to the report commissioned by the University of Sydney, children who play
video
games
 have better achievement in their academics compared with those who do not.
On the contrary
, the major drawback of pc
games
 is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can lead to drastic
health
 issues. If youngsters play computer
games
 for hours without sleeping, it can cause physical and mental
health
 problems
such
 as diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety, insomnia and so on. A compelling example of
this
 is my friend’s cousin. When he was a teenager, he would spend days and nights consistently playing computer
games
.
This
 caused him to suffer from a stroke due to a lack of sleep. In conclusion, despite being a useful educational tool when used in an appropriate amount of time, I believe that the cons outweigh the pros since playing
games
 can bring about physical and psychological
health
 disorders.
Submitted by ttz27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: