IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Houses are essential for people. Some argue that governments should offer free houses for people who can not afford to pay for it. Do you agree or disagree with the statement.

#houses #people #argue #governments #offer
It is inevitable that residences play an important role in society. It is argued that it is necessary for the authorities to provide an affordable house for a particular community, specifically a poor family.
Moreover
, I firmly believe in
this
 statement, since it can increase the number of job opportunities and the government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a responsibility to make equity in a country.
To begin
 with, if the council build plenty of housing, many occupations will appear.
By the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 existence of many apartments,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opens job opportunities for the public,
such
 as cleaning services and security. It,
moreover
, can reduce the number of criminals since there are many communities
tended
Wrong verb form
that tend
show examples
 to be crime offenders owing to being jobless. To illustrate, having a home brings
comfortability
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 and togetherness to people in the southern part of Nigeria and it has helped them work effectively.
In addition
, the cheaper residential areas can enhance the quality of life of each people. The equity of the society will
be risen
Change to the active voice
rise
have risen
show examples
 if every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 in a country
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a shelter to rest after work
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health.
Furthermore
, there is no one living under the bridge or on the street and undirectly can
stable
Replace the word
stabilise
show examples
 the economy of a country. If the population are healthy and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 good work, it will increase the standard of living. In conclusion, from my perspective,
although
 building shelter for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor communities is not easy to realize, budget houses need to be considered by the governments
due to
 the improved living standard and reducing
jobless
Replace the word
joblessness
show examples
.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of governments providing affordable housing for the poor. More specific examples and clearer explanations would enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points. However, some paragraphs could be better connected for improved coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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