Some people think that to spend time on professional development is more important while others argue that we should use more time with families. Which one do you agree? Discuss both and give your opinion.

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It is irrefutable that time is the most expensive and valuable property of everyone. Some individuals believe that we should pay more attention to the professional career. Others,

however

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, are of the opinion that family deserves more time and attention than professional experience. In the following ,paragraphs I intend to delve into both variants and write my attitude toward them. There are many benefits of spending more time on your own career.

First

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of all, everybody knows that money is an indispensable resource in our

life

Use synonyms

Secondly

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, a job or business with a high salary is a good possibility to provide a good

life

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to you and to your relatives. You can give financial help and support your family.

For example

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, most families have grandparents and babies who do not have the ability to work.

Therefore

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, you can supply them with a comfortable house, healthy food, higher education and other vitally important things by

high

Add an article

the high

show examples

paid

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Although

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, the

second

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viewpoint has

also

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many advantages in other aspects. If you pay more attention to your family and relatives, it can develop a close relationship between you. Some people say that a good relationship with family is one

criteria

Change to a singular noun

criterion

show examples

of happiness.

For instance

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, even if you have billions, you can not feel fulfilment and real happiness without a solid connection with family.

This

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statement is approved by many successful, rich people.

Nevertheless

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, it is necessary to take into account all the details of each individual case. To conclude, both viewpoints have certain advantages in their own aspects. In my opinion, family is the most important and valuable wealth of our

life

Use synonyms

However

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, we should aware that a professional career is the ability to make your family

life

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better.

DanialThu Mar 03 2022

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Some people think that to spend time on professional development is more important while others argue that we should use more time with families. Which one do you agree? Discuss both and give your opinion.

Governments should spend less money on restoring old buildings and more money for new housing and roads development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.