Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?
Artists these days are much more recognized for their glitz and fame than
that
for their actual accomplishments, which sets a negative example to the younger generation. I disagree with that as not everyone is known for their glam and fortune but is famous for their Correct pronoun usage
apply
hardwork
. Correct your spelling
hard work
Firstly
, I would discuss about
how Remove the preposition
apply
celebrities
play a vital role in the younger generation as many take them to be their inspiration and secondly
, not only celebrities
make money, they Add a missing verb
do celebrities
also
do charities and help in need. Celebrities
play vital
role in modern society. More recently, there have been many superstars who have become famous for their talents in singing, Add an article
a vital
sports
. Correct word choice
and sports
Celebrities
can be the
persons from the entertainment industry, sports and even politicians. Significant Correct article usage
apply
celebrities
can spread any ideas and go
trends around the world; Not all the trends that go in having huge views Verb problem
apply
in
any social media platform have a positive note on today’s young generation, but people like Michelle Obama Change preposition
on
has
her Podcast on YouTube and Spotify whose words are true inspiration. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
Furthermore
, celebrities
do good deeds which help many. Teens these days have a biased behavior
, in order to have Change the spelling
behaviour
an
positive vision Change the article
a
on
life Some Change preposition
of
celebrities
do donate their wealth to charities, many
Correct word choice
and many
celebrities
talk about their ways of achieving their dreams but they also
support the
teenagers to dream big and achieve them. Correct article usage
apply
Nevertheless
, they might not always have good deed
; after Fix the agreement mistake
deeds
all
they are humans too. BTS have millions of fans across the globe; BTS have made Add a comma
all,
positive
impact on fans. They inspired themAdd an article
a positive
having
dreams, love themselves and help others. BTS have donated million Change the verb form
to have
dollars
since the pandemicChange preposition
of dollars
has
started. Unnecessary verb
apply
To conclude
, Celebrities
world revolve around glow and money but there are instances where there
workCorrect your spelling
their
inspired
many young people Wrong verb form
inspires
in pursuing
their dreams. Judging them by their roles they do is wrong as they are humans too and they too make mistakes.Change preposition
to pursue
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite