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Band 2.5

the survey conducted for the places in which people gain access to the internet from 1998 to 2004.

#survey #places #people #gain #access #internet
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart illustrates the survey conducted for the places in which
people
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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 access to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 from 1998 to 2004.
Overall
, the number of
people
 accessing the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 at home increased slightly and more
people
 used to access the
internet
 at work in 1998 than they did later on.
According to
 the bar chart, the home was the place where most
people
 accessed the
internet
 throughout the period,with
about
Change preposition
apply
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just over 50
people
 in 1998.
This
 figure dropped in 2000 but rose
up
Change preposition
apply
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to around 55
people
 in 2004.
In contrast
, the number of the population who accessed the
internet
 at work fell dramatically from almost 30 persons to only 19
people
 for the period.
Moreover
,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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accession to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 at
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
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 experienced a mere increase, between 1998
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2004, reaching approximately 15
people
. The number of
internet
 access at college
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged until 2002,at exactly 20
people
. Its amount fell slightly to around 18 persons in the next two years.
Submitted by Kris1412_pany on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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