IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem?

#people #balance #demands #work #life #situation #individuals #employers
Firstly
people
 in our
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 day life find it
Change the verb form
does
show examples
do
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
 hard to
balance
 work and personal life because of competition among
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 and social media it has had
people
 to forget that the
two
 needs yo be separated and managed very well. Many things happen in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
homes or lives that
nany
Correct your spelling
many
 if
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 find it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 hard
yo
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
balance
 the
two
,some will be facing abuse at home so they will end up taking that energy at work and they will not perform 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 as they should be doing. In my thinking
Add a comma
,
show examples
I see it very important that all
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 should have a professional that can be able to speak with workers when they notice someone not performing to their best so that they can be able to get help to
balanced
Correct your spelling
balance
show examples
 the
two
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would say
people
 need to be educated on how to
balance
 the
two
 because it's not as easy as it sounds for one to be able to
balance
 but if we have
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 back think it will be much easier.
Submitted by tfungwe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: