IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

#topic #people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays working overtime has become a norm for all walks of life. Actually, because they are too occupied with mundane works
as a result
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 they spend less
time
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 on outdoor activities. I fully disagree with neglecting fun pursuits and in my, opinion its drawbacks outweigh the benefit which is discussed in
this
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 essay. We are living in
world
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a world
the world
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which
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in which
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 money talks and a vast large of our necessities of life are realized by money .
However
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 human being nature is in pursuit of a peaceful mind and happiness Presumably overworking deter us from making
time
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 for having a good laugh with our friends and families
thus
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 it put a strain on our relationships.
In addition
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 , due to the fact that working people are pressurized to hand out some paperwork at a specific
time
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 or face unforeseen difficulties which are come up as well as occupational hazards which are inseparable parts of some occupations,
consequently
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, all of these factors trigger stress and tension eventually make us nervous and frantic.
Furthermore
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,a long
time
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 sitting in one position causes apply neck stiffness and it gradually becomes chronic.
Moreover
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,overworked people without any break
time
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 are more likely to be in danger of heart disease and obesity due to stress and insufficient movement. To summarize,
although
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 getting promotions and raise salaries are associated with working hard and performance-related, they can be counter-proactive due to falling in productivity and profound effect on our health.
Therefore
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 getting involved in recreational activities keep us in excellent mental and physical health.
Additionally
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 living life to the full in adulthood is a once a lifetime opportunity and the majority of people are more likely to lose it because of a hectic schedule and considering any leisure
time
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.
Submitted by shima.dehdasht on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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