IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Doctors, nurses and teacher make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teacher #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
İn spite of the fact that famous
people
Use synonyms
 earn more
money
Use synonyms
, professional workers
such
Linking Words
 as doctors, nurses or
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be paid more fees. Because they have a substantial impact on our community. I completely agree that
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 workers should earn more
money
Use synonyms
 than celebrities. Let us look at the reasons for paying more
money
Use synonyms
 to
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 labourers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, public sector employees and
teachers
Use synonyms
 provide indispensable services.
For example
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 is a major necessity of the community. If
people
Use synonyms
 become healthy, productivity and peace of community could rise. İn addition,
teachers
Use synonyms
 help to shape every member of society in the world. When we look at the poor countries, we can not see more qualified
people
Use synonyms
 even famous
people
Use synonyms
 because of inadequate
education
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they have expended a considerable quantity of
money
Use synonyms
 on their studies and
then
Linking Words
 often attend costly professional training congrees.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they might waste more funds.
Thus
Linking Words
 they need
further
Linking Words
 fees.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 should be the top priorities of the governments. In most countries,
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 are still the cornerstones of society. İf society does not become healthy and educated,
people
Use synonyms
 would stay ignorant. Even though, we are not able to find celebrities or sports players there. They should not think of their livelihood. İn conclusion, ı would argue that public workers should be paid more fees than celebrities because public sector employees and
teachers
Use synonyms
 provide indispensable services and have expended a considerable quantity of
money
Use synonyms
 on their studies and
then
Linking Words
 often attend costly professional training congrees.
Submitted by ssunay2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • critical role
  • healthcare professionals
  • societal well-being
  • disparity in income
  • skewed values
  • essential services
  • remuneration
  • mitigate
  • global shortages
  • inherent value
  • nurturing
  • compensation
  • societal contributions
  • profound impact
  • equitable distribution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: