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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
An overwhelming number of
people
 hold the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
music
 holds a crucial
role
 in the community
whereas
 other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 of
society
 think that it is just used for
entertainment
 purposes. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
music
 holds the greatest importance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 as it helps
people
 to heal from mental stress. As these points require prudent elaboration, let us delve deeper into them
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
 the pertinent examples and my own viewpoint in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are multifarious reasons
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
people
 think that
music
 plays an important
role
 in
society
 which cannot be undermined. First and foremost, since
music
 is important in
society
, it may hugely aid in inculcating
aristic
Correct your spelling
artistic
 skills in
people
. To explain, when
people
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
music
 around them, they eventually get interested in the field of
music
 and they might take
this
 opportunity to learn
music
 or take
music
 for their career in future.
As a result
, not only
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
music
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a special
role
 in motivating
people
 to develop artistic qualities in them but they
also
 more
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 make a career out of
this
 profession and
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 laurels
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the nation. To cite an example, Ms. Katharine Viner, the editor-in-chief of The Guardian Newspaper, in her editorial “Pragmatic effects of
music
 in
society
” in May 2017 clearly unveiled that many
people
 were keenly interested in
music
 because it usually helped them to develop artistic skills in them.
On the contrary
, even if
music
 is commonly listened
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
people
, another school of thought
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that
music
 is only a form of
entertainment
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Primarily, if
people
 listen to
music
, they simply enjoy it for fun purposes. To clarify, whenever
people
 want to enjoy their leisure time,
music
 plays a part of
entertainment
 to them so they may simply
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
music
 around for their big celebrations, small house parties, big fat weddings and
also
 for friends hangout time.
As a consequence
,
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely
plays
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
music
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment
 only
as well as
 to enjoy
better engaged
Add a hyphen
better-engaged
show examples
 conversations through
music
 with other
people
 in
society
.To exemplify, a painstaking research conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Maryland in the USA in August 2018 on a group of 1050
people
 ranging between 15-45 years old had clearly revealed that 87% of them listened to
music
 as they wanted to entertain themselves only. In my opinion, I truly believe that
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
music
contributes
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 an essential
role
 in
society
, it definitely
heal
Correct subject-verb agreement
heals
show examples
people
 from their
illnesseses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental sickness. To expatiate, I believe so because
music
 has a healing power, these days
people
 are usually suffering from mental stress and sickness and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors and
psychologist
Fix the agreement mistake
psychologists
show examples
 advise
people
 to listen to
music
 to relieve their
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
out
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apply
show examples
. Resultantly, not only
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
people
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
able to leave their hectic days’ tension
away
Rephrase
apply
show examples
by simply listening to calm and peaceful
music
 but they
also
 enhance their
overall
 efficiency at work and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
 lives.
For example
, Dr. Sigmund Freud, an eminent psycholoanalyst in his study of Human Behaviour and Cognitive Skills asserted that many
people
 had been improving
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mental health since doctors recommended
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
music
 for its healing
property
Fix the agreement mistake
properties
show examples
. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that even though many
people
 assert that
music
 plays an essential
role
 in
society
, for others it is simply a fun
entertainment
 form. I vehemently espouse that
music
 is one of the most unprecedented
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 because it greatly helps
people
 to heal from their mental illnesses.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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