Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

An overwhelming number of
people
hold the
believe
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belief
show examples
that
music
holds a crucial
role
in the community
whereas
other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
of
society
think that it is just used for
entertainment
purposes. In my opinion, I strongly agree that
music
holds the greatest importance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as it helps
people
to heal from mental stress. As these points require prudent elaboration, let us delve deeper into them
alongwith
Correct your spelling
along with
the pertinent examples and my own viewpoint in the impending paragraphs.
To begin
with, there are multifarious reasons
behind
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apply
show examples
why
people
think that
music
plays an important
role
in
society
which cannot be undermined. First and foremost, since
music
is important in
society
, it may hugely aid in inculcating
aristic
Correct your spelling
artistic
skills in
people
. To explain, when
people
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
music
around them, they eventually get interested in the field of
music
and they might take
this
opportunity to learn
music
or take
music
for their career in future.
As a result
, not only
do
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does
show examples
music
plays
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play
show examples
a special
role
in motivating
people
to develop artistic qualities in them but they
also
more
oftenly
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often
make a career out of
this
profession and
brings
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bring
show examples
laurels
in
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to
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the nation. To cite an example, Ms. Katharine Viner, the editor-in-chief of The Guardian Newspaper, in her editorial “Pragmatic effects of
music
in
society
” in May 2017 clearly unveiled that many
people
were keenly interested in
music
because it usually helped them to develop artistic skills in them.
On the contrary
, even if
music
is commonly listened
by
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to by
show examples
people
, another school of thought
who
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apply
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that
music
is only a form of
entertainment
to
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Primarily, if
people
listen to
music
, they simply enjoy it for fun purposes. To clarify, whenever
people
want to enjoy their leisure time,
music
plays a part of
entertainment
to them so they may simply
plays
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play
show examples
music
around for their big celebrations, small house parties, big fat weddings and
also
for friends hangout time.
As a consequence
,
people
more
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are more
show examples
likely
plays
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to play
show examples
music
for
the
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apply
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entertainment
only
as well as
to enjoy
better engaged
Add a hyphen
better-engaged
show examples
conversations through
music
with other
people
in
society
.To exemplify, a painstaking research conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of Maryland in the USA in August 2018 on a group of 1050
people
ranging between 15-45 years old had clearly revealed that 87% of them listened to
music
as they wanted to entertain themselves only. In my opinion, I truly believe that
as
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apply
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if
music
contributes
Verb problem
plays
show examples
an essential
role
in
society
, it definitely
heal
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heals
show examples
people
from their
illnesseses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental sickness. To expatiate, I believe so because
music
has a healing power, these days
people
are usually suffering from mental stress and sickness and most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
doctors and
psychologist
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psychologists
show examples
advise
people
to listen to
music
to relieve their
stresses
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stress
show examples
out
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apply
show examples
. Resultantly, not only
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
people
be
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apply
show examples
able to leave their hectic days’ tension
away
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apply
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by simply listening to calm and peaceful
music
but they
also
enhance their
overall
efficiency at work and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
lives.
For example
, Dr. Sigmund Freud, an eminent psycholoanalyst in his study of Human Behaviour and Cognitive Skills asserted that many
people
had been improving
on
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apply
show examples
their mental health since doctors recommended
them
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apply
show examples
music
for its healing
property
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properties
show examples
. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that even though many
people
assert that
music
plays an essential
role
in
society
, for others it is simply a fun
entertainment
form. I vehemently espouse that
music
is one of the most unprecedented
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
because it greatly helps
people
to heal from their mental illnesses.
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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