IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trends

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trends
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These two maps illustrate changes in
road
Use synonyms
 access to
city
Use synonyms
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 between 2007 and 2010. Overall,
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 construction was conducted around
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
road
Use synonyms
. The most important ones were
Correct your spelling
establishment
estamishment
Correct article usage
the estamishment
show examples
 of a
bus
Use synonyms
 station and
Correct your spelling
separation
sepration
Correct article usage
the sepration
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public car parking and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
staff car parking. In 2007, hospital Rd. embedded six
bus
Use synonyms
 stops, toward and from
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 hospital. All these
bus
Use synonyms
 stops were removed and replaced by a central
bus
Use synonyms
 station
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left side of the hospital
road
Use synonyms
. Two roundabouts were
also
Linking Words
 added to the
first
Linking Words
 and
last
Linking Words
 of hospital
road
Use synonyms
. In fact, the
first
Linking Words
 one is located at the
city
Use synonyms
road
Use synonyms
 and hospital
road
Use synonyms
 intersection . The
second
Linking Words
 one is placed in front of the
ciry
Correct your spelling
city
car
hospitol
Correct your spelling
hospital
. Before these changes, according to maps, staff and public car parking were
conjuncted
Correct your spelling
conducted
 at the right side of the hospital Rd. In 2010, their parking area was
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two independent parking. Staff parking area remained at the former location , while the public parking shifted to the right side of the
city
Use synonyms
 hospital.
Submitted by fateme.niknam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • processed snacks
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • balanced diet
  • junk food
  • diabetes
  • high blood pressure
  • heart diseases
  • low self-esteem
  • nutritious meal options
  • combat
  • educational programs
  • obesity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: