IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #book #tv #computer #games #children
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that kids should read more
stories
 through
books
instead
 of watching television or playing harmful computer games. From my point of view, I consider myself a proponent of
this
 perspective. Without a shadow of a doubt, tasting the book is an intriguing way to assist them enhance their communication ability. The explanation for
this
 could be that when they spend
time
 chewing their
books
 they can broaden their word and use it suitable for every situation. To be more precise, at my school, the teacher always recommends formidable storybooks
such
 as Harry Potter, Aladdin and the Magic Lamp,.. in order to learn how they use the words and
then
 we can imitate their communication way to apply in life.
Therefore
, reading
books
 can help children revamp their communication skills.
In addition
, the young generation can digest considerable meaningful things through reading
stories
 from
books
. It might be because they can easily approach numerous educational
stories
, learn about friendships or how to talk with adults every day. To be more particular, Diary of a Cricket is one of the famous
stories
 about friendships that youngsters should read, which is
also
 the best seller of all
time
.
Thus
, children should read more to absorb the meaning of knowledge and gradually broaden their horizons. In my conclusion, I comparatively have a consensus with
this
 notion and youngsters should reduce the
time
 to play harmful computer games and kill
time
 by watching TV.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to directly address the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement within the introduction. Such specificity creates a clear expectation for your readers.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more explicitly, using cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'Moreover' to signal the relationship between paragraphs and your overall argument.
Task Achievement
Expand your argument by incorporating a counter-argument or discussing potential drawbacks to balance your perspective, then refute or support it to enhance task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and adjust sentence structures to vary complexity and enhance readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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